Sunday, 19 August 2007

The 'Onioned' Pledge

The word 'Onioned' should resurrect. It should layer back into life and command the OED to remove the burying death cross and the obstaculising Obs. from its definition. Two definitions: one older and dead; one alive and boring really. Here is what it says:

Onioned, a.
1. Of tears: produced by onions, not springing from genuine emotion. Obs. [the death cross won't come out in the page, but it's right, imagine it, before the 1.]

Ex: 1792 J. WOLCOT Quaker & Barn ii, When master Broadbrim..Por'd o'er his father's will, and drop'd the onion'd tear.

2. Of food: cooked or served with onions, containing onions.

Ex: 1997 28 Nov. CN58 The onioned steak dinner is a thin, flavorful ribeye steak pan-fried with lots of sliced onions.

I long for the onioned tear when I don't want to go to school and the excessive de-layering of myself when I want to be cu-dd-led. I long to have the mischief of producing grief at will. I want to cry with Carol Ann Duffy's "trying to be truthful" in Valentine, but failing. I want to put myself there and write it in my own words and feel it rushing through my pores: the onioning of the writing process. I want to be my own protagonist in every word, my stage a page with my starring monologue.

But I have given it all, and I am de-onioned. And it seems like the OED has too.

Now I cry for real.

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